The Wedding Planner
by Titania Malfoy Snape
Summary: My answer to the Marriage Law Challenge on WIKTT. Please feed the author with some reviews!....."Hermione wasn’t considered the smartest witch of her age for nothing, and as silence fell on the room again the full implication of what Albus Dumbledore.
1. Default Chapter

I have been infected by the Marriage Law Challenge fever! I've tried to avoid it, but after reading so many wonderful responses the symptoms started affecting me, I can no longer control myself!  
  
So, even though I have other stories on the burner, here's my interpretation.  
  
Please feed my fever with a review?  
  
Live long and prosper! Titania  
  
The Wedding Planner  
  
Chapter One  
  
"Albus, I refuse!" shouted a very angry looking Potions master at his Headmaster. "I can't even begin to imagine just how you came up with this- this cockamamie scheme, but I will not be party to it!"  
  
Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry gazed fondly up at his irate teacher through his half moon glasses and allowed himself an indulgent smile. For a man of thirty-nine, Severus could act like such a child sometimes, and this was one of those times.  
  
"Do stop pacing Severus," he said softly. "You will wear a hole in my favorite rug. Please sit down."  
  
"I don't care if I wear a hole in your damned rug, Albus!" he replied in a petulant tone as he turned sharply on a heel and continued the pace.  
  
"Well sit anyway," Albus said in a firmer tone.  
  
With an exaggerated sigh, Severus flopped himself into a chintz covered chair, wincing at the fluffy softness of it. On this particular morning, Albus office bothered him more than usual. Everything was so bloody cheerful looking, including the portraits of the former Headmasters. Which were now smiling at him, some trying to conceal laughter.  
  
"Mind your business you old busy body!" Severus muttered to an amused looking Phineas Nigellus who was grinning down at him like a Cheshire cat. "Don't you have other portraits to visit?"  
  
Dumbledore chuckled softly, "Now really Severus. There is no need to take your mood out on Phineas here. Tea?"  
  
"No! I don't want any bloody tea!" he exclaimed. Te tea service that had eagerly begun to hover toward him rapidly retreated back to its corner after the hand of the irate man swiped at it. "And no, I don't want a Lemon Sherbert or any other bloody sweet Albus!"  
  
"I wasn't planning on offering," he snapped back, losing patience with his wayward Professor. "And I shall ask you to have a care with my possessions, Severus."  
  
Albus Dumbledore motioned for the tea tray to come to him, which it did albeit with a bit less enthusiasm. After pouring himself out a cup, he patted the tray and sent it back to its place.  
  
"Now," he said after swallowing a sip. "Severus I really must insist that you do this. Miss Granger's life is in terrible danger. Her parents are already casualties in this war and Miss Granger's mental state is precarious at best."  
  
"Oh and I suppose that her being forced into a marriage to me will lend her mental state some relief? Are you mad? Make her marry Weasley."  
  
"The Weasley's have offered for her on behalf of Ron. I have persuaded them to withdraw the petition. Ron Weasley would be dead within a week if she accepted him. You see, Lucius Malfoy has already petitioned the Ministry for the hand of Hermione Granger."  
  
This was news to Severus. Still the very idea of being shackled to that Bushy Haired Know-It-All was more than he could stomach. "I fail to see where this would be a bad thing, one less dunderhead to teach," he muttered.  
  
"Stop acting like such a prat!" Albus shouted banging his hand on his desk. The tea cup shook, its contents splashing over the rim. It scooted toward the edge, trembling. Albus noticed and picked it up. "There there," he murmured then looked up at Severus, his eyes flashing in anger.  
  
"You really are mad!" Severus exclaimed.  
  
"It was my mother's set, Severus. There are no others like it," responded the angry wizard.  
  
"I'm not talking about the bloody tea set, Albus. I am talking about this fool idea of yours. I will not marry Hermione Granger! I can't stand the little chit!"  
  
"Well that's fine then, Severus, as the girl can't stand you either," he responded spiritedly. As if this was news to Severus. He looked rather satisfied. This scared the former Death Eater more than anything else and at that moment he wished that he were in class facing the danger that was Neville Longbottom, rather than be here with a very self -satisfied looking Albus Dumbledore.  
  
'I am not going to ask,' he thought. 'Absolutely will not ask anymore questions.'  
  
Silence descended broken only by the cheerful crackle of the fire and an occasional trill from Falkes as the staring contest that Severus had begun, progressed. After a time, a knock on the door shattered the silence and the voice of Miss Granger sent shivers of the nails on chalkboard variety up the spine of the fierce looking Severus Snape.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore sir? You wanted to see me?"  
  
"Wonderful!" Severus hissed hunching further down in his seat. "It's arrived."  
  
"Now now, Severus. Play nicely," Albus scolded, and then turning to his best student he smiled and motioned her into the room. "Yes, Miss Granger. I trust you ate well?"  
  
Shooting a puzzled look in the direction of the slouching Potions master, she took the offered seat and answered,  
  
"Yes, thank you sir."  
  
"Good-you must keep up your strength," Dumbledore replied with a smile. "And otherwise how are you faring? Is there anything that you need?"  
  
"N-no," she answered with another puzzled look "I'm fine. Is there something wrong?"  
  
"Tea, Miss Granger?" he offered. The Tea Set began its trembling journey toward the young woman.  
  
"No thank you," she said and watched the Tea Set retreat gratefully back to the corner. Shooting her Headmaster an odd look she asked, "Sir. Have I done something wrong?"  
  
"No, no dear girl. Why ever would you think such a thing?" he twinkled.  
  
Wincing slightly she motioned to the slouching man seated next to her and said, "Well I've been called to your office and Professor Snape is here. I thought he –"  
  
"No no Miss Granger." Dumbledore interrupted. "Nothing like. Your marks in Potions are exemplary. I have called you here for an entirely different reason. One that involves Professor Snape.  
  
She said nothing, her gaze drifting from the dark man to the twinkling one and suddenly she felt very frightened. "S-sir?" she stammered. "Perhaps you should tell me?"  
  
"Don't be too anxious, Miss Granger!" snapped the Potions master.  
  
Now she was really frightened. Not that she would allow her Professors to see the fear. Summoning up her courage, she shot an eyebrow up at her teacher then turned to face her Headmaster.  
  
"Sir," she said. "Perhaps you should just tell me."  
  
"Albus I will reiterate I-"Severus roared, springing from his seat causing Hermione to flinch.  
  
"Sit down and shut up Severus!" he interrupted with a shout.  
  
"It's a bad idea old man."  
  
Hermione took in the scene before her, her feared teacher and her beloved Headmaster were glaring at each other. She could feel the anger rolling off of them like waves.  
  
"What's a bad idea?" she asked, breaking the tense silence.  
  
With a sigh, Albus Dumbledore looked at her and said, "Miss Granger. I assume that you have heard of the Marriage Law that the Ministry has enacted?"  
  
"Yes sir," she replied. "It's a horrid law."  
  
"I am in agreement with you Miss Granger," he replied. "However I need to inform you that you have a petition."  
  
Both men looked at her as realization snaked its way into her brain and sunk it's fangs into her.  
  
"Wh-what?" she whispered. "I'm only seventeen!"  
  
"Eighteen, Miss Granger," hissed the Potions master. "Thanks to your insufferable Know It all ways."  
  
She looked blankly at him and blinked.  
  
"The Time Turner, Miss Granger!" he hissed again. "Perhaps you remember using it in your third year here?"  
  
She gulped and nodded. Turning to Professor Dumbledore she asked, "What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"You are considered to be of age, Miss Granger. As of your last birthday." Severus was considering the blank expression on her face and likening it to Longbottoms, when Albus continued. "You see, Miss Granger the use of the device allows you to manipulate time, and you are aged with it."  
  
'Let her chew on that for a bit,' Severus thought with a mental smirk.  
  
"Oh Blessed Merlin!" she exclaimed. "You mean that I'm-oh shit! I'm eighteen?"  
  
"How astute, Miss Granger," snarked The Man in Black. "Watch your language!"  
  
"You said I've had an offer, Professor Dumbledore? Who is it?" she asked ignoring him.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy has petitioned for you on behalf of his son, Miss Granger."  
  
Her head was spinning, realization set in and reared it's ugly head.  
  
"I can't marry Malfoy!" she shrieked.  
  
"Yes, Miss Granger. That wouldn't be prudent," Dumbleore said calmly. "There is however no other suitor for you and the law says that you have to accept someone's suit."  
  
"No! To hell with that! I am not marrying Malfoy!"  
  
"Calm down Miss Granger," Albus said holding up a hand. "I have a solution for you. One that I hope will suit you better, although I realize that you may consider it to be just as, well erm-bad."  
  
Hermione wasn't considered the smartest witch of her age for nothing, and as silence fell on the room again the full implication of what Albus Dumbledore had said fell upon her. There was an offer from Malfoy, an angry Potions master slumped in a chair next to her and Dumbledore had said that the only other solution would be just as displeasing. It couldn't be that he was possibly thinking about-  
  
"You must be insane!" she yelled. 


	2. Chapter Two

The Wedding Planner  
Chapter Two  
  
"You must be insane!" she yelled.  
  
This perked the attention of the slouching Ex-Death Eater, who now allowed himself to look at her.  
  
Flushed in anger wouldn't adequately describe the expression that graced her face. He'd only ever seen that particular expression on one other countenance before, and then only when in the process of cleaning up after a particularly dark revel. This was beyond anger, it was bordering on psychosis.  
  
This couldn't be allowed, he was the only one allowed to get that angry and he saw no reason to change it. Still, as tempting as it was to say something to the little chit, he also knew deep in his bones that if he uttered a sound she would turn her wrath on him. He really wasn't in the mood for that. Better to let Albus cope with the new Miss Granger as it was his stupid idea anyway.  
  
"Calm yourself, Miss Granger," Albus was saying as he waved a calming hand. Using his best placating tone he continued. "Please sit down and listen to me."  
  
Severus winced at the new flush that stole across her face and he thought that if she had been a cat, her ears would be laying flat against her head.  
  
"CALM MYSELF!" she shouted causing both men to wince. "CALM MYSELF! You actually expect me to consider marrying this-this Ohhhhhh! Damn it all!"  
  
With an exasperated sigh she flopped into her chair again, folded her arms and slouched. "I can't believe that you would even consider the idea!" she said in a sulking tone. "I mean really Headmaster, he's – and no offense Professor Snape—old!"  
  
"Don't forget ugly, Miss Granger," he hissed insulted at her declaration.  
  
"Professor Snape I didn't mean-"  
  
"Or a git" he continued over her.  
  
"Sir! I –"  
  
"No that would be Greasy Git, in capital letters."  
  
"Professor Snape, sir. I was merely-"  
  
"Oh shut up you silly little chit!" he huffed.  
  
She looked at him through narrow eyes. "You left out Overgrown Bat, Prat, Bastard and then there's my favorite-"  
  
"You've quite made your point, Miss Granger!" he hissed at her.  
  
"If you both are finished acting like children?" Albus said finally sounding as fed up as he was feeling. Ignoring both of their glares he continued, "Good. Now Miss Granger surely you understand that you simply cannot be allowed to marry Draco Malfoy. Voldemort may be dead, but Malfoy and other Death Eaters are still very upset by the matter. And Severus, you know very well that Miss Granger in the hands of the Malfoy's would be a horrible thing for her."  
  
"But Albus," Snape said in a tone that bordered on whining.  
  
"Do not interrupt me anymore Severus!" he snapped. Turning his head to the sulking Hermione he continued. "Miss Granger, and I am saying the following not to insult you but to make you aware of the seriousness of the situation, you will not get any other offers."  
  
This was offensive to her and she huffed "Well sir! I realize that I'm not the prettiest girl in the world but I-"  
  
"I was not saying that Miss Granger," he interrupted. "I am saying that you must think properly about this. Malfoy is still Powerful at the Ministry. He will know of any other offers you may receive and he will not allow those to even reach you."  
  
'What about Ron? Can't he offer?"  
  
"No, Miss Granger. He cannot. He isn't strong enough a wizard to withstand The Malfoy's."  
  
Even Snape couldn't believe what he has just heard.  
  
"Really!" she huffed. "were you even paying attention to the final battle? Remember it was me and RON and Harry there! Oh and Professor Snape of course. Ron is-"  
  
"Not an option, Miss Granger and you know the reason why as does –"  
  
It took a moment for the word to make sense to Severus, but when the meaning crystallized he let out a whoop of laughter startling Hermione. "You mean to tell me that Ronald Weasley is a –"  
  
"Yes Severus," he interrupted.  
  
Severus Snape burst into laughter and if Hermione hadn't been so insulted over the fact that he was laughing at the expense of her friend she may have enjoyed the rich baritone of his voice.  
  
"Well I'm so glad that you find this funny, Professor!" she growled. "You insensitive little wanker!" Turning to the Headmaster, she glared at him and continued, "You had to go and say something didn't you! Now it's going to be all over the school!"  
  
Albus shot a warning glance at his hysterical Potions master and said in what he hoped was a reassuring tone, "I am sure that Professor Snape will be discrete. Won't you Severus."  
  
Under the angry gaze of his best student (chit she was but still his best) and his (for all intents and purposes) boss, Severus stopped his laughter and wiped the tears from his eyes. He nodded solemnly and said, "Of course sir. Mr. Weasley's secret can stay in the closet as far as I'm concerned."  
  
Hermione shot a withering glare at him, but held her tongue.  
  
Satisfied that the yelling had finally abated, happy that the two were doing nothing but glaring at one another, and confident that they would refrain from murder, he said. "Well then. I think that you two should at least talk about this."  
  
"I have nothing to say to him," Hermione said in a determined tone.  
  
"Nor I to her." Snape added in agreement.  
  
"Never the less, I insist that you both at least ponder this. There really is no other way."  
  
Knowing that they were now excused, they both rose and walked to the door. Hermione reached it first and instinctually Severus reached for the knob to open it for her. Instead she stepped back and folded her arms. With the door open he stepped back to allow her to step out ahead of him, but the young woman merely glared at him and made no move toward the door.  
  
"Oh for fucks sake, Miss Granger!" he hissed and strode away as fast as he could. The daggers her eyes were throwing at his back pierced deeply.  
  
'Unfucking believable!' she thought to herself as she flopped down onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow. Some choice! Draco the ferret faced bastard Malfoy and Severus the overgrown greasy git bastard Snape.  
  
Anger welled up in her soul and burst forth in a primal scream. She grabbed the nearest solid object, in this case a pillow, and chunked across the room. With a howl of protest she heard the scratch of Crookshanks feet as he shot across the room and under the protection of her bed.  
  
"Sorry Crooks," she muttered as she flopped back into a pillow. When had it all come to this. Bloody Marriage Laws! All because Pure Bloods were a bunch of inbred bigots! She would never be able to show her face in The Great Hall again, for she was sure that Malfoy had spread the word around school about his father's offer. She vaguely wondered how the boys would react when they heard the news.  
  
Her question abruptly was answered by the pounding on her door. Knowing that they wouldn't leave until she answered, she trudged to the door and flung it open.  
  
"We've just finished beating the Ferret to a bloody pulp Hermione!" Ron announced proudly as he burst through the door. "He says that his father has petitioned for your hand."  
  
"Hey, Mione." Harry said planting a kiss on her cheek as he followed the red head through.  
  
"Hey Harry. Ron." Walking past them she flopped back on the bed. "You really shouldn't have beaten Malfoy up Ron. You could get into so much trouble."  
  
"Yea, well he deserved it Hermione. I mean he was lying wasn't he?"  
  
Silence fell.  
  
"Well wasn't he?"  
  
"No, Ron. He wasn't, Malfoy Senior had indeed petitioned for my hand on behalf of the Ferret."  
  
"Oh shit Mione!" Harry said quietly.  
  
"Oh but wait, it gets worse!" she answered. "I've had another proposal of sorts."  
  
"Well that can't be all that bad. Who could be worse than Malfoy?" Ron squeaked.  
  
She couldn't find the words, and she had nothing to stuff her ears with. But there was no avoiding the answer judging by the expectant looks on her friend's faces. With a sigh she said,  
  
"Snape." 


	3. Chapter Three

The Wedding Planner  
Chapter Three  
  
The most feared Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry wasn't feeling very well. Which was undoubtedly the result of drinking three classes full of Old Ogden's in rapid succession on an empty stomach.  
  
"Albus Bloody Interfering Do-Gooder Dumbledore!" he exclaimed to the tapestry on the wall he was looking at. As if he would deign to marry that little girl!  
  
He sighed and poured himself another glass. Downing it quickly he poured another and staggered to his favorite armchair.  
  
"Fuck!" he muttered. He was going to have to marry her of course. Malfoy could not get his hands on her, she'd be dead within a year. Or less. Albus knew it too, which is why he, Severus Snape, now found himself facing the prospect of ending his thus far quite satisfactory bachelorhood.  
  
All because the chit had the nerve to befriend Harry I Defeated Voldemort Potter. It was really the only thing, he confessed to himself, which made her intolerable. Had it not been for her association with The Boy Who Was Lucky she would have been unworthy of any attention from him. He would have merely regarded her as another thorn in his side.  
  
Well, a truly smart thorn in his side. His best student in years actually, not that anyone would ever hear him admit it.  
  
Sipping the contents of his glass, determined to enjoy the feeling of numbness that was slowly creeping over him, he thanked Merlin that it was Saturday and he wasn't expected to be seen anywhere on the grounds until Monday morning. This fact alone was the bright spot of his day and he intended to use the free time to get and remain very drunk.  
  
Then he would accept Dumbledore's orders and start preparing for the rest of his life, may it be blessedly short. His prayer was interrupted by a firm knock on his door. He ignored it and stumbled to his bar to pour another drink. The polite knocking turned more into a violent pounding accompanied by the shouting of,  
  
"Open the damn door Snape!"  
  
"Weasley and Potter. Who else?" he snorted to himself. 'Go the Hell away Weasley before I deduct so many points your children will still be trying to make them up! Well at least Mr. Potter's children!"  
  
Apparently they cared not, for the pounding continued so in an effort to get rid of them as rapidly as possible, he made his way to the door and flung it open. It responded by bouncing off of the wall and back into him, knocking him onto the floor in the hall.  
  
"Oh look Ron," Harry said matter of factly. "He's drunk. What a champ!"  
  
Hopping to his feet as best as he could given his present state, he gave his best glare and for once failed to frighten. This time it elicited, was that ?  
  
"You are laughing at me?"  
  
"Actually yes, Professor." Harry answered. "You would be too if you could see yourself."  
  
"What the hell do the two of you want?" he hissed as he made his way back into his chambers. "Say what you must then leave me alone."  
  
"No house points lost if we do?" Ron asked with a smile.  
  
"Consider yourselves lucky that I am too drunk to care," he answered with a flop of his hand as he settled into his chair again. "Only make yourselves useful and bring to bottle over here."  
  
Sensing an opening and a chance to make mischief, Ron asked "Could we join you, sir?"  
  
Harry concealed a grin behind his hand and poured his least favorite teacher another drink.  
  
"I'm not that pissed, Weasley," was the staid reply.  
  
"But sir, we came here to celebrate with you. To congratulate you on winning the hand of our best friend!" Ron continued ignoring Harry's warning glance.  
  
"Look here Weasley-"Snape growled.  
  
"Shut up Ron!" Harry interrupted. Turning to Snape he continued, "Ignore him, sir. He's a prat sometimes."  
  
"Perhaps you should tell me why you are here then, before I lose all patience and start hexing the both of you."  
  
Harry looked at his drunk teacher with a mixture of amusement and pity although he was wise enough to veil the expression behind half closed eyes. "Look sir, Ron and I just wanted to let you know that you have our full support."  
  
"Well I wouldn't go that far mate!" Ron exclaimed. "Support might be a little too strong a word to use."  
  
"Shut up Ron!" Harry scolded. "Look Professor, we figure that you are a much better choice for Hermione. We know that there is no love lost between us, but Malfoy is unacceptable. He'd kill her."  
  
He paused to give Snape a chance to respond, but the man merely gazed at him through clouded eyes. Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Ron can't offer for her-"  
  
"Oh yes, I am well aware of that Mister Potter," he interrupted with a smirk. "Do go on."  
  
"Well, sir Hermione is understandably upset by all of this. And I can see that you are as well, but and I can't believe that I am saying this but, we'd like to help.  
  
For the second time that day, Severus Snape laughed.  
  
Meanwhile, back in the Head Girls room, Hermione was weeping openly. As any healthy young woman would do when faced with a singing House Elf named Miffy. Singing what sounded like a love song. In Italian. While holding a small bouquet of wild flowers.  
  
"Mister Draco Malfoy, requests the honor of your company at dinner this evening, Miss Granger." Miffy said after finishing his song. With a bow he presented her with the bouquet.  
  
"Does he now?" she asked as she tried to dry her tears. If Miffy thought she was rude for laughing at him, he didn't show it, he merely nodded his head in response to her question. "And is Miffy to wait for an answer?" she asked.  
  
"Yes miss."  
  
"Well then Miffy, you may tell Mister Malfoy to go wank!"  
  
Surely he hadn't heard Miss Granger correctly, he thought "Pardon me, Miss?"  
  
"You heard me, Miffy. Tell Mister Malfoy to go fuck himself!"  
  
Miffy drew himself up to his full height, this girl had insulted his master! Still generations of subservience took over and he politely bowed. "Very well Miss. I will tell Mister Malfoy."  
  
"Good!" she sniped. "You can also tell Mister Malfoy that the next time he woos a girl-if you could call this wooing-he'd do better with roses or perhaps tulips!"  
  
Miffy fled the room as fast as he could while Miss Granger continued her rant.  
  
"Cheap little bigot!" she exclaimed. 'Couldn't even spring for roses!" Flopping back on her bed, she stared at the red satin canopy and admired the way that the gold thread that was woven in it glistened in the mid morning light.  
  
Harry and Ron had laughed when she told them the news. Now it would be around the school for sure, between Miffy, Harry, Malfoy and Ron, the Kitty Kelley of Hogwarts.  
  
She needed a drink. It was a Saturday and she was eighteen. Hermione Granger smiled a smile that would have frightened Ron had he been present to see it, then hopped out of the bed and strode into her bathroom.  
  
Two hours later found Hermione sitting at the bar at The Hog's Head, glass of fire whiskey in unsteady hand. It was her second in a half an hour and the effects were making themselves heard. Rather vociferously.  
  
"Marry that blast-bastard! Dumbledore saying that I'd have no other offers! I'm Head Girl for fuck sake!"  
  
"And one with such a charming vocabulary too," drawled Draco Malfoy as he slid onto the neighboring bar stool. "You've shocked Miffy, Granger."  
  
"So what! You sent wild flowers and a tone deaf Elf! You call that wooing?"  
  
Draco smiled. Hermione trembled. "Well," he said. "Father said that I had to woo you, to make it look real for The Powers That Be and such. I didn't want to go overboard."  
  
"Trust me, Malfoy. You didn't even come close to the rail," she slurred. 'Don't tell me you actually want to marry me?"  
  
"Hell no! I'd rather geld myself," he hissed with a shiver.  
  
"Well sokay then," she slurred. "Fire whisley?"  
  
He looked at her, dressed in her Muggle clothing and grimaced. He couldn't believe that his father would actually want him to marry this girl. But he did and very badly. This of course was the very reason why Draco didn't want to marry Hermione. Blood purity aside, she wasn't that bad a gal but she wasn't his love. What the hell! If she could drink at noon so could he. "Sure Granger. I'll get the next round."  
  
Three hours and one and a half bottles of firewhisley later found Hermione, Draco and Snape slouched over a table, nursing their drinks. Snape had stumbled into The Hog's Head about an hour ago complaining about the latest injustice Dumbledore was foisting on him. The pair took pity on him and invited him to join in the debauchery. Such as it was.  
  
"S-so Draco," Snape said with a slur. "You don't want to marry her either."  
  
"Nope!" was his enthusiastic reply. "Would rather cut off the danglys."  
  
Snape winced at the visual. 'I don't think that you need to go that far. Shit Draco! She's not that bad looking!"  
  
"Hello! I'm still here!" Hermione exclaimed, flicking a chip across the table at her Professor. He waved her off and sipped his drink  
  
"Yes Miss Granger, as your terrible table manners have said."  
  
"Ha! Terrible Table Manners!" Draco hooted. "Say that three times in a row Uncle Sev!"  
  
"Uncle Sev! Tha's rich and here the whole school thought you were fuck buddies!" Hermione said with a giggle.  
  
Severus turned to her with a growl, "I can assure you Miss Granger that I am NOT GAY! Unlike your little friend who shall remain nameless."  
  
All conversation in the pub stopped at Snape's shouted declaration of his heterosexuality. "What are you looking at!" he said drawing his wand. Wisely all turned back to their drinks and resumed their conversations.  
  
"Look Professor," she said after a time. "Professor Dumbledore is right. We have to get married. Sorry Draco, but your dad would have me for breakfast!"  
  
"Tell me about it Granger!"  
  
"Surely you can't be serious, Miss Granger!" Snape exclaimed.  
  
"I am serus," she slurred. "and don't call me Shirley. My name is Hermione."  
  
Ignoring the blank looks that her joke elicited, she continued with a smile. "There is no reason why we can't have fun with this whole sordid thing though."  
  
Never being on the receiving end of one of her more wicked smiles, Draco shivered and Snape blinked.  
  
"What did you have in mind Miss Granger?" he finally asked. 


	4. Chapter Four

The Wedding Planner  
Chapter Four  
  
"Helloooo," the woman exclaimed in a sing song voice. The trio winced into at the woman who was fairly skipping up the stairs to the front entrance of the castle. "I am Gwendolyn Lockhart, Wedding Planner Extraordinaire!"  
  
When applause and/or gushing wasn't forthcoming, she cleared her throat and continued with a hug to Hermione and Draco, "You must be the happy couple!"  
  
Hermione and Severus exchanged amused looks and then joined hands  
  
"I'm Hermione Granger, the bride and this is Severus Snape, the groom." Hermione gushed.  
  
The golden haired witch barely covered a flinch and looked at Hermione with a mixture of pity and amusement. "Ah. I see."  
  
"This is," Hermione continued indicating Draco. "Is Draco Malfoy. Our best man."  
  
Draco was regarding the witch out of the corner of his eyes. Leave it to Hermione to pick the most annoying person she could find. She did look a lot like her brother, their former DADA teacher Gilderoy Lockhart. She had the same golden hair and was dressed as if she were expected to receive an invitation to tea with the Minister of Magic at any moment. Definitely a dandy, if such a term could be applied to a woman.  
  
Hermione smiled on of her trademark, "I think you are an idiot." Smiles at the woman and said, "Severus and I are so happy that you are able to assist us with our wedding. We are both so busy these days."  
  
"I, erm, can imagine," the witch simpered. "Lord Snape is such a disguinguished Professor and you must be busy yourself, Miss Granger."  
  
"Yes. Professor Snape has his classes and I am studying for my NEWTS."  
  
The witch nearly choked. "Y-your NEWTS? You're a student?"  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"And the Ministry is allowing this wedding? Aren't you underage?"  
  
"No," she answered, her tone short. "However, my age is irrelevant. As I was saying, Severus and I are terribly busy and as a consequence, Professor Dumbledore has agreed to act as a liaison between us. You will be working with him as far as the wedding goes. He is paying for all of it and wished to spare no expense-"  
  
"Yes, Miss Lockhart, "Snape interrupted. "Miss Granger is an orphan and she is also the brightest pupil to study here in a long time. As such she is a favorite of the Headmaster."  
  
"I see," gushed Miss Lockhart. "Well then, lead me to Dumbledore and we shall get underway!"  
  
As they entered the school, Miss Lockhart asked. "Have you set a date yet? What sort of wedding did you have in mind?"  
  
Severus stopped and turned to the woman. In his most serious class room tone he answered, "Easter Break, any day with in that time frame will do. As to the ceremony and reception afterwards-spare no expense Miss Lockhart. None at all."  
  
Later that evening, the three of them sat in Severus Snape's private chambers celebrating the events of the morning with a fine merlot in front of a blazing fire.  
  
"Miss Granger," Severus said. "Fifty points to Gryffindor for your formidable mind. Never before have I seen Albus so stunned."  
  
Hermione grinned proudly and sipped her wine.  
  
"Don't gloat, Miss Granger. It's unbecoming and rest assured that I shan't ever assign that many points to your house again."  
  
"I wouldn't expect you to, Professor," she replied.  
  
That night in The Hogs Head, when she announced that she had a plan, Severus had felt a tremor of fear run up his spine. Not only did he realize that he actually had to marry the chit, but he would be stuck with her for the rest of his life. He got angrier at Albus. He wanted revenge, he wanted blood. He said as much to Hermione, who looked at him in alarm, eyes darting to Malfoy who was slouching in an amusing way over his glass.  
  
"Don't worry," he had told her. "Draco isn't inclined to Death Eater activities. He works for me."  
  
'Well this was news' her expression said. "Oh. Well that's okay then." She leaned over and nudged the young Slytherin. "Pay attention Ferret Face!"  
  
"Sorry. Mbit pissed Iyam."  
  
She rolled her eyes, which made her dizzy, so it was a moment before she could continue. When she did, she left the men stunned and, truth be told, admiring.  
  
The next morning, after gulping down a Hangover Potion, kindly provided by Snape, the pair went to Albus office and gave their consent to his plan. With a few caveats thrown in, of course.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore," Hermione said, looking at him with a sad expression. "Since my parents are dead I was wondering of you would stand in as my father?"  
  
He looked humbled and then smiled indulgently at her. "Miss Granger. I would be most honored to act on behalf of your father."  
  
"Oh thank you sir!" she exclaimed as she pretended to blink back tears of happiness. "I can't tell you how much this means to me! I've been so worried that I wouldn't be able to study for my NEWTS what with the planning and all, but now that you will be handling that I can rest easy."  
  
"P-planning?" he stuttered, a stunned expression sweeping across his face.  
  
"Oh yes sir," she nodded excitedly as Severus hid a smirk behind his hand. "You see I want a traditional Muggle wedding, with the traditional Hand fasting ceremony too of course."  
  
"Of –course," Albus said haltingly. "But, Miss Granger I don't know anything about Muggle wedding traditions, I'm afraid."  
  
Hermione waived a dismissive hand. "Oh, that's alright. I thought about that, you see."  
  
All the old man could do was nod helplessly as Hermione explained further. "You see sir, I know that you too are incredibly busy so I thought that I could hire a wedding planner. There are such things in this world, I checked. That way, she or he could handle the details. You would only have to meet with the planner once a day, twice at most."  
  
Albus motioned for the Tea Tray to give himself a moment to let her words sink in. "I meet with this planner?" he finally asked.  
  
"Well of course sir. I mean I figured that since you're paying for the wedding you would want to have some say so."  
  
She was smiling that smile again and Severus shivered. Albus remained oblivious as he had other thoughts to dwell on at present.  
  
"I'm paying for the wedding?" he asked, now completely befuddled.  
  
Hermione pasted a small frown of concern on her face. "Well, yes. It's tradition for the father of the bride to pay for the ceremony and the party following."  
  
Silence fell on the room as Albus considered the situation he found himself in. Hermione politely declined an offer of tea and the Tea Tray ignored Severus.  
  
"Miss Granger, given the circumstances of the marriage that must take place," Albus finally said. "Perhaps you would prefer a quiet ceremony?"  
  
Hermione had already buried her head in her hands and was shaking it, "Sir! I am to be married to –him-for the rest of my life. I have always wanted, dreamed of a beautiful wedding! Please don't deny me this! It's the only wedding I am to have!"  
  
"Yes Albus," Snape added. "and as Miss Granger is still a student, and this news is bound to go over rather badly with her fellow students, your endorsement of this arrangement would save me from having to play knight to her damsel in distress when my Slytherins come after her."  
  
"Not to mention the Ravenclaws and my fellow Gryffindor's," Hermione added. "Also, Professor Snape is a teacher and I imagine that his pay isn't adequate to support me at University."  
  
They each of them allowed her words to dangle in the air for a moment. Albus was the first to break eye contact with her.  
  
Sensing victory, Hermione rose and walked around the Headmaster's desk. Standing next to him she winked at Severus as she bent down and kissed his soft cheek. 'Thank you Professor," she said softly. "I knew you would make things right!" 


	5. Chapter Five

The Wedding Planner  
Chapter Five  
  
Albus Dumbledore swept regally through the dimly lit halls of Hogwarts, muttering to himself. Students moved out of the way of his imposing figure, some commenting (after he was out of earshot of course) about his resemblance to a certain Potions master due to the scowl that he wore. Two first year Hufflepuff students actually fainted and had to be taken to the infirmary for a healthy dose of chocolate. This regal sweeping was the subject of much speculation by the student body who witnessed said sweeping, for all agreed that they had heretofore thought that Professor Snape held the exclusive rights to that particular walk.  
  
Then again, Professor Dumbledore had never before encountered Ms. Gwendolyn Lockhart, Wedding Planner Extraordinaire. It wasn't the first time that Albus Dumbledore had been tempted to hex his wayward Professor, however it was the first time that he had felt this strongly about wanting to cast said hex.  
  
The muttering was precisely this, which hex to cast and when. Followed by whether or not to submit one Miss Hermione Granger to the same. After all, it was she that had manipulated the entire situation, albeit with the help of his favorite teacher.  
  
They would pay. Oh how they would pay for the prior three hours of his time.  
  
He had been sincerely honored that Hermione Granger, the smartest witch at Hogwarts would want him as her surrogate father and he hadn't really minded that fact that he would have to pay for the wedding that she was for all intents and purposes forced to agree to. He had even relented to her heartfelt pleas in regards to the hiring of a wedding planner. After all, she had taken his busy schedule into consideration, or so he thought. He had assumed, his first mistake he admitted to himself, that this wedding planner would be a bored wife of a wealthy wizard.  
  
But noooo.  
  
He was stuck with, although not for very long if he could help it, the sister of his former Defense Against The Dark Arts Professor. The one Professor that he had regretted hiring. The worst mistake he had ever made as Headmaster.  
  
When Minerva found out about all of this she would laugh for weeks, perhaps years.  
  
"Bugger!" he shouted. Another Hufflepuff, this time a sixth year had the misfortune to be in the vicinity of his expletive. She promptly fainted. "Double Bugger!" he muttered.  
  
Word of Albus' rant soon reached the ears of the newly betrothed and their best man and it was decided that a quick confab would be in order. Severus was near the point of panic, for he had never heard of his boss causing a Hufflepuff to swoon.  
  
"That's my frickin job!" he muttered as he un-warded the door to his private chambers.  
  
"What?" Hermione questioned.  
  
"Nothing," he replied as he ushered his students into the sitting room. "Albus is on a rampage, Miss Granger. What is your solution to this little problem?"  
  
Hermione was for once in her life completely gobsmacked.  
  
This wasn't due to the fact that the man who could ruin her school career was currently scaring the student body, but rather because his chambers were, she decided rather plain.  
  
Standard area rug, comfortable couch the obligatory book shelves ('Nothing to rival the Restricted Section?' she gasped mentally) and a fireplace. Where were the whips and chains? Where were the devices of torture? Where were the legendary tomes containing dark spells and potions recipes?  
  
"Miss Granger!" Snape yelled, drawing her attention back to the reason she was being allowed into his inner sanctum in the first place.  
  
"Sorry Severus!" she exclaimed with a shake of her head. "We were going to confab about Professor Dumbledore?"  
  
"Yes," he answered. Indicating a black chair made of rich Corinthian Leather. It wasn't the most comfortable looking chair in the room. Draco had snagged the overstuffed club chair covered in a cheerful chintz and was looking rather smug about it.  
  
With an exasperated sigh, she plopped herself into the offered seat and said, "Well, Uncle Albus is-"  
  
"Uncle Albus!" Draco interrupted with a hoot of laughter.  
  
"Yes Draco," she answered with a grin. "I think it's appropriate, don't you? After all he is acting as my father now, and paying for this wedding."  
  
"Speaking of which," Snape said as he tried to conceal a grin. "We have a meeting with Ms. Lockhart tomorrow morning. We need to decide a few things."  
  
Hermione thought for a moment and then chuckled, "Well every good Muggle wedding has a color scheme. I have decided on Ecru and Ivory."  
  
"Forgive me, but aren't Ecru and Ivory the same colors?" Draco asked before he could stop himself.  
  
"No, they are two totally different colors," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "It is also, customary for the bride to have attendants besides her Maid of Honor."  
  
"Go on, Hermione," Snape encouraged in a smooth tone.  
  
"Well, Draco is your best man, so I shall have to have Ginny as my Maid of Honor. I was also thinking that perhaps I could ask some of the girls to act as maids. This means that you, Severus, need to have an equal number of groomsmen. Then it is also customary to have a big party after the ceremony. Food and drink are served, and of course there must be dancing so a band of some sort would be in order. I have some ideas along the lines of who should entertain."  
  
"Fine then, but what about Professor Dumbledore?" Draco asked. "He is storming around the castle causing Hufflepuffs to faint. Not that I care about that of course. I am more concerned about my neck. What are we going to do about that?"  
  
Hermione smiled a truly beatific smile.  
  
Draco gulped. He had been unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of one of those smiles before and it had taken him nearly a week to recover from the creative hex that followed said smile.  
  
Severus turned an even paler shade of pale as he regarded her countenance.  
  
"Leave Uncle Albus to me," she murmured. "So let's head to dinner. Perhaps the situation will handle it's self."  
  
The Great Hall was a bustle of activity as the students found and settled into their seats for supper. The talk of the hall, was of course, Professor Dumbledore's unusual behavior. Those who had not had the good fortune to witness the prior acts, were quickly relieved of their disbelief, as their venerated Headmaster swept into the Hall and took his seat at the Head Table.  
  
No one, they agreed amongst themselves, had ever seen him looking quite so stern. They had all seen the pictures of him, during the Final Battle, in the Daily Prophet. Even in the heat of battle, his face had been almost calm.  
  
"He was muttering something about Snape," Seamus whispered to Ron.  
  
This bit of news elicited a smile from the redhead. "Maybe he's going to fire Snape!" he whispered back excitedly.  
  
"Speaking of Snape," Neville whispered turning his head to the main doors of the hall.  
  
It was as if a 'Silencio' had been cast over the room. All whispered conversation came to a sudden halt as Professor Snape strode into the room, followed closely by Hermione and Draco.  
  
With a scowl, the Man in Black made his way forward in between the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables, as was his custom. His glances back and forth at the students sitting there, dared anyone to say anything. For once, the brave lions of were silent, and the badgers cowered visibly.  
  
Hermione and Draco both noted the barely concealed anger on the face of the Headmaster.  
  
"Worse then I thought,' Draco whispered. "If you have something planned Granger, now would be the right time to get to it!"  
  
Hermione ran forward, at a jog, reaching Snape as he neared the Head Table. Grabbing his hand from behind, she pulled him backwards toward her. Spinning him around, she ignored the startled look on his face and said in a voice loud enough to carry through out the room,  
  
"Severus darling, may I sit with you?" Then standing on tip toe, she pressed a kiss to his lips, "Please?"  
  
The sound of a Hufflepuff body, hitting the floor in a faint shattered the silence. 


	6. Chapter Six

I know, I know. It's short, but I just had to get this out, and it's all that my muse would let me write tonight. She is now shouting at me to go help the kids with their homework. I miss Summer break already. Oh, your reviews are always met with excited squealing by me!

Live long and prosper ! Titania

**The Wedding Planner**

**Chapter Six**

Lucius Malfoy was pissed. Not the drunk kind of pissed, no that was for later, but the pissed kind of pissed. Not that you could tell of course, unless you knew him well, for his expression was always the same, whether angry or happy, in other words, he was perpetually sneering.

Narcissa had made it a point to steer clear of him for the last half hour, because knowing him as intimately as she did, she could tell that his current degree of anger was the kind that led him to hex the first thing he laid eyes on. Narcissa Malfoy was a blonde, but she wasn't a stupid blonde, so even thought she was curious as to what their post owl had brought that had got him into such a state, she made to stay away.

Instead she sent Poe, the house elf that had the misfortune to be in his mistresses' bad graces at the moment, to inquire as to what the problem was. He returned soon after with an extra set of ears and missing fingers, and through his tears informed her that the master had left the house for Hogwarts. Upon further inquiry, she learned that he had left muttering something about "The Bastard Dumbledore and the Fuckwit Snape"

He apparated to just outside the main gates to the school and with a curt wave of his wand the gates flew open. His seeming calm stride soon brought him to the main steps, up those and through the doors, which sensing the wizard's ire, obligingly opened for him. With a quick glance around he set off in the direction of the dungeons.

While Lucius Malfoy was making his way toward the dungeons, Severus Snape, Fuckwit and Potions master was busy conducting double Potions with Slytherin and Gryffindor. Normally, he noted, the class was quiet and relatively calm. Since Hermione's performance in the Great Hall yesterday, however, the class was a bit harder to control. The Slytherins, with the exception of Draco, thought that they had license to test their limits with him by snickering and hissing racist terms toward Miss Granger. The Gryffindor were no better, they merely spent their time alternately glaring at him and curling their lips at her.

Granted, he thought, their now announced nuptials weren't the ideal. There was no love lost between them after all, but she was his betrothed and an inbred sense of honor demanded that he demand that she be treated with some modicum of respect. The current situation simply would not do.

His attention was suddenly grabbed by none other than Neville Longbottom, the continuing bane of his existence, who was currently not paying attention to his work. Severus could tell because he was adding powered lacewings to his cauldron instead of the chopped silkworms that the next phase of the potion called for. He was just about to swoop down on the boy, his favorite thing to do in this particular class as he always got such interesting reactions from the idiot, when the door to the class slammed open in a way that rivaled his own traditional entrance.

The entire class jumped in their seats and all heads shot around in the direction of the noise, as the pissed off Lucius Malfoy made his way into the room hissing,

"Severus Snape you filthy traitor!"

Gasps were heard and more than one student made to cower a bit closer to their desk. Neville Longbottom included.

Alas, poor Lucius' entrance lost its degree of melodrama when he tripped on a slightly upraised stone on the third step down into the room. He failed to recover gracefully, but sailed rather nicely into Longbottom's table, sending his cauldron over, and its contents spilling onto the alleged former Death Eater.

As soon as Harry, Ron and Hermione realized that a very angry Malfoy senior was making his way into the room, and precisely at the same moment he was flying toward Longbottoms' desk, they drew their wands and took aim.

"Lucius!"

"Father"

Draco and Snape exclaimed in unison, as The Golden Trio simultaneously shouted individual hexes toward their sworn enemy.

A golden, shimmering light shone from the form of the Senior Malfoy as he looked around him in bewilderment and began to scream a blood curdling scream. The entire class was struck speechless as they watched Lucius' body contort and begin to shrink into the form of a House Elf.


End file.
